It’s been six months since I began my treatment for Lupus, and while intuitively I was quite hopeful it would have good results, the truth is I really didn’t know.
As unbelievable as this is for me to say, my body feels better than I can recall it ever feeling. My energy is up, my pain is down, and my number of incidents (visits to the hospital/urgent care, etc) have been significantly decreased.
Whoohoo! Is this for real?
While the change was gradual, and it did take some amount of courage for me to really hold onto the fact things were actually changing for the better, I am absolutely ecstatic with the results. The sleeping 3 hours before bed just to eat and go back to sleep, the sleeping through my lunch hour just to get through the day, the 2-3 hot baths a day to minimize the pain, frequent rashes, the loss of life. Most of that doesn’t happen anymore.
It’s changed. I feel like a person again, and to someone who’s been in that for so long, everyday sort of feels like Disneyland after that. I’m running again, I’m in school, my hair is growing, and my body is allowing me to do the things I love again. It’s difficult to explain, though I’m sure to those who are or have been there, you can truly relate to the significance of what I’m talking about. You don’t realize what you have sometimes until you don’t have it for while.
Not to say I don’t still have bad days, and to be completely honest with you I think I probably don’t handle them as well now as I did before when I faced them on the daily. Because I’ve sort of developed an expectation of feeling well, when my body struggles I am tending towards a stronger feeling of frustration. It’s not supposed to be that way anymore, I know what life can feel like now and I’m hooked.
I’m sure it’s good for me to be reminded that life is not something to be taken for granted, that it is a precious gift we never know how long we’ll have. How quickly we forget.
At my 3-month check-in with my rheumatologist last week, I swear he was as excited as I at the results, and I continue to find myself overwhelmingly grateful that I was placed under his care. I am still trying to reconcile how it is that my blood-work remains abnormal and increasingly so, while my body feels as good as it does. Apparently that is to be expected, as treatment addresses the symptoms but is not a cure for Lupus. They just haven’t gotten there yet, though I’m sure they will someday.
In the meantime let me encourage you if you need encouraging. There is hope in what feels like the hopeless, endless night. The morning always comes.