I wish I could speak as easily as I write.
The other day someone called me out on the quietness of my spirit, and asked why I hold back so much when in conversation. This got me thinking, and made me wonder what the answer was. I realized after some contemplation, it often doesn’t even occur to me to speak my mind when amongst the crowd. I suppose that may be interpreted as having nothing to say, but that is, perhaps, the furthest from the truth and the antithesis of my reality.
But anyone not living inside my head would never know that, of course.
Since before I can remember, I have often felt that there is so much going on inside I don’t know how to begin to express it. And if I do come close to daring, the thoughts can feel so far from practical, normal language, I’m not sure who would know what to say in return. At some point I simply keep my mouth shut and choose to turn to my pen instead. In doing so. the thoughts cannot be stopped and run so freely I tend to wonder if they’re really mine, or if I am just simply penning them.
Where do thoughts come from, I wonder?
I have never minded any of this, until someone else does of course. Quiet hearts, I have noticed, often have the tendency to make others uncomfortable, though I am not entirely sure why. Are we assumed discontent? We aren’t, at least I am not.
My preference to listen, observe and mull over thought is such a source of peace and knowledge, I could not imagine giving it up, though it does not come without its set of problems. For while my philosophical thoughts becomes deeper, my inclination to express them remains as it has always been.
Reluctant. Silent. Enigmatic
As I writer, I imagine I am not alone in this predicament, that there are others who can so ardently and easily direct their thoughts to the spaces they find on blank pages, empty notebooks and beautifully vacant journals. And yet, when asked to speak, such souls stand still and retreat to the caverns of their mind. “Where is my pen?” they think to themselves, “where is my page”
But there is no pen nor page, leaving such a person without their tongue, so to speak.
No pun intended.
The question I must ask myself, is whether I wish to change that. It seems the world often expects cognition and thought to be voiced in the way that is thought to be the ‘norm’, which is often whatever a particular person finds most common in themselves or those around them. The trouble with that is not only does it discourage unique and unconventional perspectives, it also endorses mass thinking. And as someone rather wise once said,
“If a thousand people say something foolish, it’s still foolish. Truth is never dependent upon consensus of opinion.”
Though I don’t always think we live that way.
It’s ok to be different. In fact, I think it’s good. And not in a ‘it’s cool to be different’ sort of way, but actual oddness that is built into you. We tend to hide those things and try to become whatever it is that seems accepted, and morph our thinking into the general consensus, or whatever we believe it to be.
The problem with this line of thinking, is that no one tends to be thinking at all; only agreeing with everyone else for the sake of approval.
Take, for example, the aspect of social media. People do not post anything without first estimating the likelihood of whether or not it will draw positive reinforcement (i.e. likes/comments) If they think it will, out into the world it goes. If not, it gets the boot. And how would one begin to try and determine that? By being aware and catering to mass opinion and attempting to appease the majority, of course.
In doing so we disregard a solid thought because it will be rejected by the crowd of people who are trying to think like everyone else, everyone else being those who also are trying to think like everyone else.
Which is everyone.
Round and round it goes. Kind of silly if you think about it. And terribly dull.
All that to say, I think we ought to share what we think is important whether or not we will be praised by anyone for it, majority rules means little to nothing about importance, for the standard is simply agreement. And agreement without logic and thought is just gullible nonsense. I think we ought to stand up for what we believe in and be exactly the person we are.
After all, you’re the only one of you who ever will be, and that’s worth a whole lot more than being liked by everyone else, or even understood. There are currently millions of real people gone missing in this world amongst plastic duplicates of duplicates. The ones who risk being different and are bona fide humans are those who end up changing the world.