I really don’t have anything gloriously inventive to say tonight, but then again, that is nothing new. That is not why I write, I suppose.
My heart has been in Quiet of late, a place I commonly go and have since I was quite young. Often for days or even weeks at a time, it is usually for the sake of escaping the world for a while I suppose, or otherwise just to have the peace and contentment I find there. Some readers may find this quite odd, but if you have been there you know just what I mean.
As a result, my thoughts are adventitious at best at the moment, sort of like the way leaves fall randomly at their own discretion when summertime disappears. I find there is something freeing about being still and having a place to put thoughts just as they come- free, unaltered and untamed for a while. They always have a way of making more sense to me that way in the end, as long as I have a place to put them where they will not be sabotaged, reorganized or cleaned up until they are no longer my thoughts.
We, of course, do this to ourselves. If you’re constantly thinking about how your thoughts will be interpreted or if they are interesting enough for the world, are they really your thoughts any more? Or have they turned into a transcription of what you think will evoke a response from whomever will read your words?
So if you’re looking for something cohesive to read, tidy and clean where weeds don’t grow, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. I have no agenda, no cohesive theme. The grass here is wild, the flowers free, and paths you won’t find.
Last thursday I get home to find this sitting in front of my door:
Next to it I see this sitting a few feet next to it:
Before I have a chance to say a word, a very pleased Scott (aka, OCD sweet old guy neighbor) comes bounding out of his place, having bought us matching doormats.
Of course they match, I think , it’s Scott. I smile to myself and thank him, wondering what it must be like to have to buy everything to coordinate with everything else. It’s a good thing he doesn’t see all my stuff- he’d go barmy. I’m sort of attracted to things that are a bit, shall we say, ‘unexact’
Just like that word- Unexact. Not a word, you say? But somehow you know what it means…….hmm, how does that work? Ah ha! maybe it is a word after all.
Did you just look it up to see if it’s a word, or are you ok just letting it remain a mystery?
I’m so curious.
Hey, I told you this wasn’t going to be a tidy piece of anything.
Oh, I know what I was going to tell you. Do you know, I have discovered something at Trader Joe’s that I abhor. Yes yes, it’s true. Never thought I’d see the day, but it has arrived. I almost feel like a traitor telling you about this, but I will never forgive myself if you buy this and then find out later I could have warned you.
To me this tasted like two foods got mixed together that should have never come within a mile of each other. Maybe it’s just me, but something about chocolate being tart seems wrong. Honestly, I wasn’t able to finish the spoonful I did take, and the rest of it was sitting in my fridge until this morning. I am not quite sure why I saved any of it at all, perhaps I was secretly hoping it would magically transform into something delicious in the night.
Hey, it’s from Trader Joe’s, it’s always possible.
So yeah, don’t buy that. Or, do buy that and tell me why I’m wrong.
I think fall is growing on me. Every year when it comes around I feel increasingly delighted by its arrival. Despite the fact that I have experienced more grief in my life during the month of October than any other time of year, fall still manages to win me over in the end.
Is it the wind? The leaves? The mystery that inevitability comes with the darker skies and stormy days? I don’t know, and I suppose it doesn’t really matter.
I’ve always tried to live each day as if it were my last, it helps me to stay focused on what matters, love as fully as I should, forgive, and let go of things that really won’t make a difference in the end. Fall seems to have a way of driving that deeper into my soul every time it comes around, and for that I am grateful. Perhaps it has been the pain and loss itself that has contributed to such knowledge.
Alright, enough nonsense for now. If you’ve made it till now I salute you.