Memoirs of a tenacious iPhone

Yesterday evening I found myself sitting in the center of my livingroom floor, staring somewhat contemplatively at the new iPhone I had just bought.

How in the world did that get here?

It seemed rather ridiculous that I had yet another one in my possession, seeing that I would probably be just as content with some little flip phone that would fit more easily into my coat pocket.

I know, I’m so dreadfully démodé.

As fate would have it, right about the time apple released it’s first iPhone three or four years ago, I was in need of some type of mobile mail and calendar access, and it seemed like a good time for me to get out of my comfort zone.

It was for this reason I was, until yesterday, still happily using the first version of iPhone, which to me worked perfectly fine and dandy.

Until I dropped it.

20 times.

Then it was no longer fine or dandy.

Oh, I’m not kidding, I really did.  It’s actually quite remarkable that it lasted as long as it did, given the trauma it endured with me, poor thing. Slippery little buggers like that really ought not be with the likes of me.

But with the likes of me it was, until it’s very last breath. Yes, in spite of my friends poking fun at me for toting such an old, chunky iphone, and regardless of the fact that the on/off  sound switch was no longer there, thus invoking some incessant buzzing on a very regular basis, I kept it.  After all, it still called the people it needed to call, texted who it needed to text, and did it’s best to serve as my alarm clock every morning.

And sometimes in the middle of the night too if it was in a mood…..which tended to be rather often near the end there.

It wasn’t until I had scotch tape draped across it’s shattered front screen that I decided it might be time for it’s retirement. Perhaps if it hadn’t quit charging altogether and calling people on it’s own whenever it fancied I would have considering holding onto it a bit longer, but at some point common sense sort of kicked in. With it’s recent habit of waking me up in the dead of night, I began to feel as if I had created some sort of monster, a technological version Frankenstein with a mind of it’s own.

I cannot say I was entirely void of fear in it’s presence.

So into the AT&T store I walked, set my sad little taped up mess of a phone on the counter and said to the sales guy,

“This is what I have at the moment.  While I am more than certain you no longer carry these”, gently touching the mangled phone with my finger so not to make it crumble into a billion pieces right there upon the counter, “I wonder if you have something similar”

At this the man’s eyes got really big and he sorta did a double take, staring down at the thing as if he was trying to figure out if it really was a phone. He stared a little longer than he should have, maybe even a little longer than he wanted to.  While I waited for him to pry his eyes away from the train wreck that was my phone, I  gained a deeper understanding of  the term rubbernecking.

“Well”, he said, “I don’t have anything like that,” This time carefully avoiding any direct eye contact with the thing on the counter, “but i do have a slight upgrade for a dollar”

“A dollar? Hmm, that sounds pretty good. What’s the catch?

“There is none. It’s just that nobody wants the slight upgrade, everyone wants the real deal.  You know, the iPhone 5?”

“hmm.  Yes, well let me tell you my friend, having just come from using that (again pointing at the dead thing sitting on the counter) this is looking pretty real to me.”

About five minutes later I stepped out into the world, slightly upgraded iPhone in hand, dead little warrior phone in pocket and headed home.

And so it was I found myself sitting on my living room floor, staring at the charming little white thing that had no scotch tape or broken buttons, but offered a million and one capabilities I would have zero interest employing, and also a few that left me more than a little unsettled.

For instance, why does my phone contact list suddenly include every one of my facebook friends?  I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or contrary, but for a girl who keeps a tight, close group of friends and gets to know them for roughly ten years before trusting any one of them, maybe this is somewhat unnerving. Maybe maybe having 200 plus facebook friends suddenly appear as personal contacts on her phone is just a little spooky to her.

Especially when her phone has a recent history of calling random people at it’s own volition.

Meanwhile, as I sat there holding the little white thing, pondering these very insignificant quandaries, I kept hearing the faint sound of another phone going off, the vibration just audible enough to not be able to ignore entirely.

Assuming  it was coming from some adjacent apartment, I kept wondering to myself why it’s owner didn’t just answer the darn thing.

About a half hour later I thought, geesh, this is getting sort of absurd, answer your phone, silly neighbor whoever you are”

5 minutes after that: Wait a minute. Oh no.  Is that? Oh yes, yes it is. That is MY phone.  

You know, the sad little dead one, calling out to me from the AT&T bag I had stashed somewhere in a bedroom drawer when I got home because it was useless and had run out of batteries.

Had a little self-humbling moment there.

Also, I think I might have to burn that iPhone.


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